Thursday 25th April.
Gosh , what a whirlwind.Was it only 8 months ago I started the Tropical Diseases course, and made the decision to change my life? Feels like much longer. So far I've managed to pass the course, go to Africa, spend time doing something completely out of my comfort zone, and love it, come back, leave my safe, comfortable job, and get a new, exciting, challenging job in a "hostile" area (the insurance company's words) . Mad.
So I leave on the 15th June - well that's the provisional date anyway. Visas and contract yet to be signed, although offer letter signed and accepted.Currently alternating between periods of extreme excitement, and extreme "what the hell am I DOING!!!!" Plan on spending my last few weeks doing as little work as possible, catching up with friends, oh, and having more surgery on my hand. Nothing serious, but I very much doubt there will be a competent hand surgeon in Juba.....
As someone said to me today "Will your Amazon order come by donkey? Or will it be a donkey?"

Friday 19th April.

It appears that I am off to South Sudan ! Although I have not yet received the official confirmation, I have been informally assured that the job is mine, and my reference requests were received yesterday, so all appears good - or completely terrifying depending on your point of view. I'm going with terrifying.
So the great sell-off begins....I have been consoling myself on my state of torpor up until now, with the thought that until I actually knew if I had the job, there was no point actually DOING anything, so have been gazing at the mounds of stuff I have accumulated over the years, without actually doing anything with it. Now I have to decide what to take (tricky with a baggage allowance of about 30kg), what to sell, and what to store.
What I HAVE managed to do, is sort out my lovely dog and my cat. The cat is going to live out his retirement with a vet, so that worked out well, and a nice retired lady with lots of doggie experience is going to look after my Alf. With everything that I'm leaving behind, making the decision to rehome him is the one that wakes me up at night, and has me intermittently weeping every time I think about it. He is a happy , sane little dog though, and I know he'll be absolutely fine, it's whether I ever forgive myself that worries me...
Am getting regular updates from the deputy head of clinic (who I know from Brighton, and was on the DTN course with me), and he appears to love it there, so onwards and upwards.
At least when I get there I'll have something interesting to post!

Friday 5th April

Had my Skype interview for the clinic job in South Sudan yesterday. After a failed attempt the day before, due to a big storm knocking out the internet in Juba for several hours, we went ahead as planned 24 hours later. Weird things, internet interviews. First one I have ever done, and while it was less nerve-racking than actually sitting in your Sunday best in front of a panel, it also had its moments of anxiety. The very slight time delay, and the fact that you can't take visual clues from your interviewer (it was audio only), meant that at times I found I was speaking over them, which was difficult for me, and I'm sure, very annoying for them - I'm consoling myself with the thought that they do these interviews all the time, so must understand that I am not that rude face to face....
Funnily enough, for one who is normally a very confident person when dealing with people, interviews sap all that confidence right out of me, and leave me a bit of a gibbering wreck. There were several questions that I had prepared for, but the words that actually came out of my mouth were completely different to those I had planned *sigh*.While I am confident I can do this job, it is a huge change from what I have been doing, and there are areas that I have no experience, such as the financial management of the clinic. The question is whether they are willing to take a gamble and give me a chance to prove I can learn those things quickly enough for them. I think I can - it's whether I have convinced them of that - and I'm not so sure. So now I wait, and try not to check my emails every ten minutes. I'm trying to only check every 15 minutes, and that is hard !!
Still, I am consoling myself with the knowledge that I DO have a plan B, C and D. My MSF application should be answered by the middle of this month, there is a tricky job in Kenya that might be an option (although the money is non-existent, which may be a stumbling block), and there is always Zanzibar at the end of the year, which would be very nice.
I have run out of nails to bite, and excuses to surf the net (while not looking at my emails...), so I may just spend the next couple of days staring blankly at the screen. Oh actually, I am spending the next 5 days out of 6 working 13 hour shifts - at least that will take my mind off things I suppose. Ho Hum. 

Thursday 27th March

Gosh - it's been a couple of weeks of tough and very emotional decisions. I have handed in my notice at work, and am slightly anxious about working for myself, although I'm sure it will be fine - the agency even asked me if I would do some interviewing for them (for a fee - obviously !). I have a Skype interview for a job in South Sudan (well paid) next week, my application for MSF is done, and I have a confirmed (not paid) job in Zanzibar at the end of the year. I have organised someone to come and make my flat rentable  and have found a cheaper place to live, in a village I love. It's all a bit real now.
The toughest decision, by far, was the one to re-home my dog. I can barely type it without weeping. It's just not fair to him, with the life I intend to live. I have spent the last 2 days feeling like a traitor every time I look at him. If only someone would have him part time and give him back to me when I'm home ! But that's just me being selfish. I won't go into any more detail as it is just too painful.
My excitement is tempered with an overwhelming feeling of "eeeeeeeeek!" at what I'm doing. But it's adventure, it's exciting, and it's a million times better than what lay ahead a year ago.
The world is all of a sudden an exciting place to be again.

Monday 18Th March.

It was with a heavy heart, and a slight wince, that the Captain's "The weather at Heathrow" speech was received, not just by me, but by the nice lady sitting next to me, who almost wept. " The weather at Heathrow is as follows....7 degrees centigrade, and raining ". Groan. No socks, my coat still in a flat in London, where I had left it, expecting not to need it mid-March, in Spring, when I had several sweatshirts that I had thought would suffice. It was freezing, grey, and wet. Great. Climbing on the bus to Brighton shivering, I was met by a very cheerful, smiling, Barbadian bus driver, who, as it turned out, was to be my only company on the journey home. Sensing my depression settling in, he very kindly lent me his coat, encouraged me to sit at the front with him, and regaled me with stories of  Barbados,  happy times, and his anxiety at missing any of the stops in Brighton, as this was his first run on this route. I promised to help him with the stops, and he fended off  my impending misery - it could have been a lot worse.
Once home, and reunited with my boys (my dog and my cat - who has doubled in size - immediate diet !) I turned the heating up to maximum, had a very hot bath, and thought about the future.
Doing the job I do, you see a very condensed version of life, and it's difficult not to imagine that every life-changing personal disaster that happens to your patients, will happen to you. Although we know the odds are better than that which we see every day, it still makes you think that life is shorter, often, than you expect, and every day is important . It is so easy to suddenly find yourself 20 years down the line, doing the same thing, without ever having really grabbed life with both hands. This has always been my inspiration for adventure,although with age comes the very real sense that time passes much faster, while the responsibilities seem to multiply.
I'm going to spend the next few months trying to work out a financial plan that will allow me to try and have the best of both worlds - maintaining my flat and mortgage, supporting my animals, and somehow managing to take 2-3 month trips doing what I now know I want to do - working in places with minimal resources, using my common sense and my experience, and exploring more of the world.
This is therefore my last post for a while, while I try and work out exactly how I am going to do that - but hey, nothing is impossible - right ?
Thanks for reading folks, and thanks for all the positive comments,emails, and FB messages.
Until the next adventure........ 

Thursday 14th March.
My last day here, and of my trip, before I set off on what will probably amount to just under 24 hours travel. I will be very sad to leave Demani Lodge (my backpackers) and the friends I have made here. Turns out the Gangsta Rap is a very rare occurrence, and mostly I have been lulled ever deeper into a relaxed torpor with lovely reggae music (I couldn't even really hear the music from the party last week in my new lovely hut). Africa, or the small pieces of it I have seen, is wonderful. It somehow gets under your skin, and falling in love with it is very easy. People are curious, kind, (mainly) happy, and very funny. The wildlife and the countryside are amazing, and it's a little bit addictive. There are stark contrasts here, the most obvious being between the rich and the poor. I can't count how many times we have been stopped at roadblocks by police, looking for a bribe to be allowed to pass, or how the helicopter flew in a politician to Maasai land, where small children have one dress to wear. People are surprisingly optimistic though, and there is always a new plan to improve their lives - whether it ever gets done is another matter, but there always seems to be A Plan.
I wrote in an email to a friend the other day, that although I have been completely out of my comfort zone, working as a "doctor" for small children and babies, with a culture completely alien to my own, I felt more at home than I have done anywhere for a long time. If I needed a catalyst to prove that I need to change direction then this certainly served as one. Thank-you, London School Of Tropical Medicine, for giving me the inspiration to decide how that change comes about.
Now the tricky stuff begins - trying to rearrange my life so I can actually do this full time. As I said in my very first post - Bring It On.

Wednesday 13th March
Popped up to the north of the island for a day and a night. Drove through a village called "Bambi", which delighted me, but resulted in a protracted explanation of Walt Disney films with my driver. Delighted me so much in fact, that we took a little detour on the way back to have a look, finding a beautiful village surrounded by palm and mango trees,with women, conspicuous by the lack of muslim dress, sitting about by their mud huts, sharing food and childcare. We popped in to buy some mangoes, and played a game of peek-a-boo with one of the kids (a game that translates into any culture), bought mangoes that tasted of sunshine, and left with smiles on our faces. Driving about here takes time and patience - a one hour trip is likely to take three hours, as you stop every few kilometres to buy some bananas, fresh coconuts to drink from, just to pull up for a chat. It is a mark of how swiftly I have acclimatised to African timekeeping that I thouroughly enjoyed myself and didn't worry about the time once.
Day of sorting things out and paying for things tomorrow, then home Friday. Boo.